Lions and Tigers and Bears

Have you ever felt like you had to watch your every move?  Not like in a teen aged, 'Mother knows best' kind of way, but more of a 'We see you and know what you're up to' kind of way?

I work for a high security company; I try my hardest not to talk about it and it's weird and wily ways. But sometimes everything in my world just comes crashing together in an epic smashing of crap. They now count our rolls of paper towel; each bathroom is only allowed one a day...keep in mind there are 1300 people in my office.

They've also decided to cut down on energy costs so all blinds must be closed all the time...there are signs posted everywhere in case we forget. So now on top of working in cubicle Hell, we have to work in a no natural light cubicle Hell.

I've worked there for nearly ten years...I've seen alot of things...keystroke programs we sign waivers for...bosses who like to count how often we go to the bathroom...it's fair to say my tolerance for crap [or perceived crap] is fairly high.

So understand me when I say, sometimes I just feel like pulling out my hair at the sheer volume of bullshit that occasionally comes spewing out of the various facets of the fandom.

Good grief. It feels like a soap opera...a really bad one, where the heroes are insipid, vapid liars, and the villains are people just trying to go about their Sunday afternoons in peace. Being vilified for questioning things that needed clarification is not a redeeming feature for anyone; don't ask me to set aside my intelligence just to further your agenda. Donating to causes is great, but the motivation behind the act matters as well.

I'm old. I try really, really hard not to rock the boat. But I do like to poke the bear once in a while...sue me, a girl's gotta have some fun.

An Apple a Day...or Maybe Not

Do we ever really leave high school? I mean, I'd like to think we do...I hated high school and you couldn't make me go back not matter what you paid me.

But some people seem to be in a state of perpetual high school. The cliques, the drama, the endless secrets, the backstabbing.
I honestly thought I had reached a point where I didn't have to worry about it anymore...apparently I was wrong. Or there wouldn't be a post for you to read right now.

I don't really want to get into specifics or name names [because, like I said, Not high school!] so I suppose this is going to seem rather vague.

Have you ever found the perfect apple? You know the one, shiny, flawless skin, glowing a perfect red [or green or yellow if you prefer]. Now, you've bought apples before, so you know they aren't usually so brilliant, but you wonder if this, this apple is special. So you buy the apple and take it home, wash it, and set it in the bowl on your dinning room table. It shines there and you just like to look at it. You're proud that you bought it and made it part of your life; it makes you happy having it around. Your life is crazy and miserable and sometimes insane, but it bothers you less because of the apple. People make fun of you for liking your apple so much, but you don't care, because you love it and it becomes part of who you are.

Then one day, you decide you're going to cut your apple in half, because surely, if a whole apple is good, two parts of an apple will be twice as good.

Only, when you cut into the apple, you realise that under the shiny outer layer, and the nice apple-y goodness, there are worms...lots of them. All writhing together. Twisting and turning, each trying to out twist the other. Each one willing to do whatever it takes to be the better, stronger worm. No matter what you do, even if you put the two pieces back together, you can't forget those moments when you saw what was on the inside. So now, you can't see the apple without seeing the worms.

So you wonder if the apple is spoiled for you forever.