I'm beginning to realise that I should have subtitled this blog, 'I'm ranting again, just wait, I'll stop shortly' because, let's face it, that seems to be what I do. If this were a proper Mommy blog it would be full of sunshine and kittens and breastfeeding, and if I were younger it would include a myriad of sexual innuendo and mildly profane remarks about the Divine Mr Hiddleston and anyone else of note.
But this poor blog is neither of those things...that's why I named it what I did. It's everything and nothing and all over the place, with no rhyme or reason. Just like me. And I loves it, Precious.
This is where I should get all philosophical and talk about what the
Lack has taught me about the true meaning of life. This is where I
should submit myself to a public flogging because I once bought my
husband a one hundred and eighty dollar t-shirt. I know I should, but I
can't and won't. The Lack sucks. I'm sure it doesn't just suck for me,
it sucks for alot of people. But this is my blog and not the world
stage.
I love my life. I love books and plays, movies and
my kids [in no particular order]. I love beer and sex and looking at
pictures of Mr Hiddleston like some starry-eyed fifteen year old. What I
don't like is loosing my house, my car and everything that sews the
fabric of my life together. I don't like where I am right now. I hate
it.
Tomorrow is the day the Lack will become a tidal wave and drown me, us. I've ducked and weaved and wheeled and dealed...I've even borrowed and stolen. But as of tomorrow none of it will matter...because of the way the dates fall my beautiful monstrosity of pick up sticks will crash and be washed away.
Yes, the melodrama is flowing...I've replace the klonopin with beer for the evening...feel free to disregard.
It's Roux' birthday in less than two weeks; she'll be three and it's all she can talk about. I feel like the worst Momma in the world because I know I won't be able to live up to the party she has planned in her head. Yes, before you point out that she's only three I will clarify: I don't even have the money to invite the family over for cake and chips...that's how badly the Lack has become. I can't find money to buy gas or groceries, how on earth can I find it for balloons? Yes, I'm a thrifty person, so yes she has gifts [mostly second hand, but cute and clean] I started buying them months ago [hey, Christmas is only a few weeks away]. But still...it hurts, you know?
It hurts a lot.
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