The Goose started grade one yesterday; he was beyond thrilled by this. I, slightly less so. This is not to say that I'm not proud of Goose, or vaguely confused how he got to be old enough to attend grade one, I just feel...removed somehow.
When this journey into night began nearly two years ago I made a promise to myself that I would never, ever let the kids' lives be negatively affected by the Lack. But the Lack is rearing its tentacles at nearly every possible venue these days. Every time I manage to pry one off another one grows in its place.
I couldn't afford to buy Goose a new school bag that he desperately wanted, shoes or school supplies...but I couldn't let him start without them either. I don't want him to be that kid. I know I should make it a learning experience, but he's six...his learning lessons should be reading and math, not that Mommy can't pay for both his pizza lunch and the oil bill at the same time. Or that Mommy is sick to death of going to GrandMommy with a hand out. Or that Mommy's heart is broken in so many peices she can barely hold it together.
I wait so patiently for the Wonderful, and will continue to wait. For Goose and Roux I will wait forever.
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